By Michael B. Wright
Just take a quick look at all of the pills you now take daily in order to stay above ground. Is it just me, or does it seem that the smaller the pill, the longer its name and the more powerful it is?
Lately, the pollen count has been high in Lakeland, Florida, giving me a severe case of the “Sneezles”. I generally combat this by cutting a small 25mg Benadryl in half, which does the trick while enabling me to stay awake and still functioning successfully. And as if three syllables weren’t enough, the actual name for the product is Diphenhydramine. The other micro-pill I take is my water pill, a mere 12.5 mg, yet it’s powerful enough to pull me from a sound sleep several times throughout the night. When I order refills, I say “I need the tiny little water pill with the great big name”. They offer: “Hydrochlorothiazide?” “Yep, that sounds right,” I respond.
As guardian of the family medicine cabinet and dispenser of the pills, I’ve learned the seriousness of being very careful, precise and undistracted when I load up the Sunday through Saturday pillbox compartments each week.
Last year my wife was very lethargic for almost a full week. I soon learned that I’d been doubling up on her muscle relaxers without realizing it.
One day my wife walked in on me as I was retching over the toilet bowl while sticking my finger down my throat trying to retrieve the green pill I’d just swallowed. Thinking it was my Spirulina, I’d taken one of our Great Dane’s green heartworm pills. In no time at all, Joy was on the phone with Fran, the receptionist at our veterinarian’s office. “Don’t tell her who’s calling! Don’t tell her who’s calling!” I screamed, to no avail. “No, Fran, Zachary’s just fine, it’s Mike. He took one of Zach’s heartworm pills by mistake.” “Let me check with Doc,” Fran said. She returned: “Doc says Mike should be OK as long as he doesn’t start chasing cars or licking himself. Just keep an eye on him”.
Always be cautious!
Mike Wright can be seen walking his Standard Poodle down Mulford Road in Mulberry, Florida. Marcell’s heartworm pills are large and white.