Signs That I’m Starting to Get Old…

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Signs That I’m Starting to Get Old

By Michael Wright

Shortly before this past Memorial Day, I came to the painful realization and had to accept the fact, that I’m getting old! It wasn’t because of any particular pains, ailments, maladies or infirmities. It wasn’t due to any change in the color of my hair nor due to additional hair growth in my ears or nostrils. And I did NOT give in and begin playing shuffleboard at the clubhouse. The reason I know I’m aging is because… (drum roll)… we just bought a PRACTICAL car. Yup! It’s true!

Out with the old and in with the new

This is not to say that there will be no more sporty convertibles in our future. However, (Mike inserts tissues into his cheeks) “we were made an offer we couldn’t refuse”. Especially since “our Toyota Avalon now sleeps wit da fishes.”

It’s an SUV, a silver Ford Expedition XLT. I actually have to stand atop a three-rung stepladder in order to clean the love bugs from off of the windshield. It’s huge! Sitting up high as I steer it along the highway is like piloting the U.S.S. Indianapolis through the Philippine Sea, only without the sharks.

A sure sign that you've officially gotten old is when you purchase a sensible car versus the flashy one you really want...
A sure sign that you’ve officially gotten old is when you purchase a sensible car versus the flashy one you really want…

It has enough room to hold all my wife’s jewelry-making supplies, a tent and two tables for transport to the local farmers markets, plus room for additional passengers besides just me and an ice chest. I’m thinking we could add an inflatable mattress and use it like a camper when we go on vacations, avoiding the cost of a motel stay unless, of course, we come across a really good discount coupon.

The trunk has become a portable jewelry station.

It has of three wide cinemascope-like mirrors, so there are no blind spots, a major concern since I provide one of my own.

The gas mileage isn’t as bad as I expected, roughly 21 miles per gallon. With the seats folded down, it will seat eight passengers comfortably or 12 passengers cramped and miserable.

I have made one major modification to the vehicle. I had a steel cowcatcher mounted on the front to eliminate the frustration of Florida drivers who meander slowly in the fast lane. It was either that or a bazooka…

I DID IT! I challenged myself to write this entire peace without mentioning COVID-19, the coronavirus, or quarantine. Yay, Me! Oops…

Mike Wright can be seen driving along U.S. 60, sitting high while going through the motions of using the floor shift of a vintage Alfa Romeo Convertible or a Porsche Targa. If you think he should have gone with the bazooka, contact him at micwrighthamo@gmail.com

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