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Advice from Ms. Price
Dear Ms. Price,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. When we first got together, he said, “I would marry you tomorrow.” Three years later, and we are not only not married, but he isn’t even divorced from his last wife.
In all fairness, I am still married to my last husband. We haven’t started the divorce process because I need the health benefits and because we were waiting till Covid is over before moving forward.
All in all, my boyfriend and I are happy, but I don’t feel like we can talk about the fact that we both seem stuck. My instincts tell me something is off.
What should I do?
–Feeling Stuck in Tarpon
Dear Stuck in Tarpon,
There’s a lot going on in your letter. You said that you both are still married but in a relationship. I am going to proceed under the assumption that you’re both separated and seeing each other openly.
What are your expectations? Are you disappointed that you’re not married yet or is it the fact that you’re both not divorced? The first thing you need to do is to sit down and determine what you truly want and need from this relationship.
The red flag of your letter is that you don’t feel like you can talk to your boyfriend and that your instincts tell you that something is off. I am a believer in listening to instincts, and the fact that you don’t feel like you can discuss your relationship is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
In order to move forward in a healthy way, you need to determine your needs and then sit down and have the relationship talk. You both deserve to know if you’re on the same page. You know why you aren’t divorced and you need to know why he isn’t divorced.
Recovering from a marriage takes a lot of time; time for reflection and healing that we don’t always allow ourselves in our culture. When we don’t take the time to heal after a marriage has ended, and hop into another relationship too soon, it leads to another inevitable divorce. Three years is not a lot of time and because of the issues you shared, you both need to move slowly and give your relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
Dear Ms. Price,
My wife and I have been married for 22 years. Five years ago, we were separated for six months. During that time, we both saw other people. When we got back together, we sat down and were honest about our time apart but decided we had too much love, history and family to divorce.
My problem is “Jane,” (not her real name). A woman I saw during the separation. I developed real feelings for her and have to admit that I think about her often. The sex was amazing, but it was more than that. We had a true soul connection.
I don’t want to divorce my wife but I still long for Jane. Is it possible for someone to be in love with two women at the same time?
-“John” (not my real name)
Yes, it is possible and perilous to your health.