A Pirate’s Life

When they spot my eye patch, little kids often come up and ask if I’m a pirate.

I’ve been writing for Lifestyles After 50 for almost a year now, and it
occurred to me that some of you may be wondering the same thing.

No, I’m not a pirate. I didn’t lose my eye in battle or to a cancer. My adversary was a “breathable” contact lens. Don’t wear them to bed. Ever.

A few years ago, I woke up with a scratchy feeling in my left eye. My contact lens had dried up and lacerated the cornea. I developed a nasty infection and my blue eye turned mostly white, similar to that of Master Po on the Kung-Fu TV series.

I no longer drive at night – all the halos around lights produce a kaleidoscope effect. And after two sideswipe accidents, I can no longer wear the patch while driving during the day. My peripheral vision is just fine.

If I’m talking to you and I cover my good eye, your face just has dark spots where you should have eyes and a mouth – sort of like a Smiley.

Other than that, life’s not too bad. My eye is normal color now and my patch has turned out to be a real conversation starter. When people ask what happened, I usually attribute it to swordplay.

Not long ago, I was sitting on a bench reading and a woman approached me asking, “Do you know why sailors wore an eye patch?”

No,” I said, my mind digesting the fact that she said sailors and not pirates. Aye, I felt like slicing her little pinky with me cutlass.

She told me they would wear a patch over one eye so their eyesight would adjust immediately to darkness when they removed it to go below deck. This is verified on Google.

I used to volunteer at American Stage in St. Petersburg. The dress code was white dress shirt and black slacks. One evening, I was taking tickets when an attractive lady whispered, “That’s a nice look.”

What look?”

The patch and white shirt,” she said.

I walked over to where my wife was dispensing adult beverages and
boasted, “Sweetheart! That woman said I rock the patch!”

Well, you do!” said the Joy of My Life.

Now I don’t want it to become an affectation like fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld’s hand fan, but I am considering adding some Johnny Depp-like accessories such as shabby scarves, colorful hair beads and gold jewelry.

What do you think about smoky eyeliner?

Michael Wright can be seen combing second-hand stores for accessories to rock
his Captain Jack Sparrow look. If you see him, make sure to holler “ARRRR!” or you can toss him a beaded necklace at micwrighthamo@gmail.com.

 

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