The formula for converting Fahrenheit to Celsius is quite simple: (°F – 32) x 5/9 = °C (and vice-versa). But it becomes more complicated in our household where we have two additional temperature readings: MCT (Mike’s Comfort Temperature) and that of my wife, Joy. The conversion formula here is: MCT – 25˚ = JCT.
It all began the moment Joy had her first hot flash, or shall we say, power surge.
While dining with friends she asked, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
As if on cue, the other four ladies left the table, leaving the Joy of my life to wonder whether she might be contagious. Shortly thereafter, they returned with their hands full of paper towels, wet napkins and one handheld paper fan.
They began regaling her with their personal antidotes for dealing with these episodes. Interestingly, the most successful one turned out to be the use of smelling salts.
I was soon to learn that “mood swing” was neither a golfing term nor a type of porch furniture.
Joy now sleeps on top of the bedspread. I sleep beneath two blankets and wear two pair of socks. As recently as yesterday, I asked her “Honey, would you mind if I bump the thermostat up just three degrees?”
“Put a sweater on!” she blurted, her voice full of compassion.
One time, as Joy was resting, I was in a snuggle mood. I plopped down alongside her on the bed suggesting, “How ‘bout a hug?” Boy, was that terrible timing. In a flash she bolted upright, both arms extended in fending-off posture.
“For your own safety, step away from the woman! I repeat, step away from the woman!” The cats shot out of the bed and streaked down the stairs. I wisely followed suit.
Do all husbands go through this? I’m going to ask my good friend Jim.
We’ve invited him and his family to have Sunday dinner with us.
“Is there anything we should bring?” he asked.
“No, just bring yourselves.” I replied. “Wait! There is something you might bring.”
“Sure!” said Jim. “Dessert?”
“No!” I corrected. “Parkas.”
Michael Wright lives in an igloo in Mulberry.
You can console at firstname.lastname@example.org.