By Patricia Finn
Ahh April. Tax month. For some reason, April triggers the “wacky” in my brain. This year my financial advisor suggested that I write a loser’s handbook. Not easily offended, I accepted the challenge.
The term “Born Loser” is incorrect. Successfully losing takes time, effort, and planning. It is an acquired skill.
To share my expertise, especially around April 15, I have written “The Loser’s Handbook: An Authoritative Guide to Successful Failure.” In time I will add a series of seminars: “Lose Now: 10 Easy Steps,” “How to Lose Your Perfect Soul Mate,” and “Financial Freedom and Weight Loss.” At no extra charge you can receive my newsletter, “I Can’t Find Myself.” This dynamic resource provides maps, compasses, and travel guides. We offer keys which find you, and other items to help the common loser function in today’s complex world.
Finally, I am excited to announce that there will be a Lose Cruise in August. Aboard replicas of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, we will combine the best of relaxation with intense life-changing seminars. These seminars will be led by experts in the field. With all that said, I am proud to present excerpts from “Successful Failure.”
These guidelines focus on all major areas of life: family, finance, career, and pets.
- Scatter yourself/diversify. This is the Jack of all trades but master of none syndrome. I call it Life ADD. Do some painting, some writing, a little sports. Spread this diversification out over a lifetime and you will find yourself (our goal) not far from where you started.
- Develop low self-esteem. This is not hard; your friend and family will help you.
- Write everything down. This is a great waste of time. My handwriting is illegible, and my spelling is incorrect. If you have good handwriting and can spell, you would not be reading this.
- Misuse words. It’s your language to isn’t it?
- Never complete
- Plan. Be a planner, then fail. That way no one can say that you didn’t plan.
- Don’t watch TV. I have never bothered to waste my time and pollute my thinking.
- Lead a healthy lifestyle. This is important if you are to blame yourself and not your crazy habits.
- Never use the spell chick.
I hope these suggestions have been helpful, and that you will consider joining us for the cruise. I encourage you to order T shirts and caps with our logo: “May the Loss Be With You.”
