Husbands in Cars Going to Costco


It’s common wisdom that men aren’t shoppers. Boredom sets in after 20 minutes while women last a full two hours. However, my husband recently developed a tireless enthusiasm for browsing and purchasing — he discovered Costco.

I suppose the three dozen pairs
of socks spilling out of his drawer
and the 64-ounce jar of mayonnaise in the pantry are my fault. I was the original joiner; he, the secondary member.

For several years, his membership
card went unused. The turn around occurred after he read an article stating that Costco offered a very good value on hearing aids. Finally acknowledging that he may have just a teeny bit of hearing
difficulty, he decided to find out for himself.

I knew I was in trouble when he returned from the initial evaluation carrying the tallest bottle of vodka I’d ever seen. What? Were we entertaining the entire Russian Embassy?

Do you know what this cost? What a bargain!” he trumpeted.

I hope you saved enough to pay the carpenter to enlarge the liquor cabinet,” I responded.

During the next trip to Costco for the hearing aid fitting, he ate his way through the store, tasting food samples of every variety. After that, it was onto a hot dog with all the trimmings and a bottomless cup of soda for only $1.59. He considered staying for dinner but was disappointed they didn’t take reservations.

Recently, he shared his latest discovery: tables and tables of books at excellent prices. Judging by his excitement, I added new shelves to the carpenter’s list.

Subsequent trips brought cartons of paper towels and toilet tissues, lifetime supplies of cleaning products, and enough steaks to fill our freezer to capacity.

I face the upcoming holiday
with trepidation. No doubt he will
run out of hearing aid batteries a
week before Thanksgiving and,
as long as he’s going to Costco,
he will insist on shopping for the
family dinner.

I fear the turkey he chooses will be a GMO (genetically modified organism) – one large enough to require an expanded dining room table. Maybe I can put said carpenter on retainer. As for the frig? We’ll have to buy a second one.

I just can’t wait to see what “bargains” he comes up with.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Susan Goldfein holds a doctorate in Communication Disorders from Teachers
College, Columbia University, and enjoyed a successful career as a clinician,
teacher, and consultant. For more essays filled with wit, wisdom and irony,
visit Susan’s blog, Her book, How Old Am I in Dog
Years? may be purchased on and


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