I Swear I’ve Seen That Same Cactus Three Times

The Wright Stuff by Michael Wright logo
The first rule before engaging in any sort of new adventure such as exploring, camping, canoeing or hiking, is to leave a daily itinerary with someone back home. It should detail where you expect to be on a given day so that if you do get lost, you stand a better chance of being found.
I now regret not having done this. We’ve been wandering for hours on end, and I’m growing thirstier by the minute. If I EVER do this again, I’ll carry a canteen full of water, or at the very least a bottle of Gatorade. If I EVER do this again, I’ll
hire a trained guide.
At one point in our journey, the Joy of My Life and I become the lead characters in a Tom Selleck movie – her ‘Crazy Cora’ to my ‘Matthew Quigley.’

Vector Illustration of Funny young couple trying to understand foreign road sign
Joy: “You know, if we’re lost, you can tell me.”
Me: “We’re lost.”
Joy: “I can take bad news. Just tell me straight.”
Me: “I don’t know where the (#@?!) we are.”
Joy: “No sense making it sound better than it is.”
Me: “I reckon we’re goin’ in circles.”
Joy: “So, just tell me honestly. Are we lost?”
Me: “Nope. I know exactly where we are.”
Joy: “That’s good ‘cause frankly, I was getting a little worried.”

Actually, I am a little more than worried. I am delirious. I see bleached white cattle skulls scattered about. I have become an integral part of a Georgia
O’Keeffe painting. The man crawling on his belly crying for water is me!

Then suddenly, the smell of cooking food snaps me back to reality. What
is it? A campfire? An oasis?

Swedish meatballs! Lunch!

The Exit!

If I EVER shop at IKEA again, I’ll be leaving a trail of bread crumbs
behind me.

Michael Wright can be found aimlessly wandering Death Valley,
training for his next shopping spree. Share your experience, advice and maps
with him at micwrighthamo@gmail.com.


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