By Randal C. Hill
Early in 1975, Paul Simon and his first wife, Peggy Harper, called it quits after six years of marriage. One day, Simon had their three-year-old son Harper at his Manhattan apartment, and Paul was trying to teach the lad how to rhyme words.
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His endeavors ended up working their way into “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” a masterfully crafted piece of storytelling from his hit album “Still Crazy After All These Years.” Here Simon presents a snapshot of the tale as a dialogue, almost as a scene from a movie, as we witness his protagonist rushing from the ruins of a marriage into a (hopefully) better situation this time around.
As a divorce song (think of numerous country classics), Simon’s creation doesn’t get bogged down with self-pity or overwrought reflection. One can almost imagine the New York-born musical poet even winking as his rhyming list unfolds without a trace of viciousness or callousness.
During the narrator’s journey, his awaiting lady friend offers what she thinks will help assuage Simon’s concerns about his departure:
“The problem is all inside your head,” she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be 50 ways to leave your lover
Did Paul Simon actually did come up with 50 clever lines involving the leaving of a relationship? The answer is yes, but only five survived the limitations of a vinyl 45 at the time:
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Hop on the bus, Gus
Just drop off the key, Lee
Paul Simon fans were thus deprived of a number of clever gems:
Act like a slob, Bob
Flee to a cave, Dave
Keep on lyin’, Brian
Offer to pay alimony, Tony
Finally use that canoe, Lou
Jump off the Staten Island ferry, Jerry
Say they’re not funny, Sonny
He has always dismissed “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” as merely “a nonsense song.” Nonsense? Hardly. This clever concoction proves that you were really on the ball, Paul!
