New Year’s Un-Resolutions

So, folks, here we are again. It’s December, and soon the baby in the top hat, sash, and diaper will once more kick the old geezer out of the way, as the number on the calendar changes to 2019. And with another birthday pending, I hope this image will not become a metaphor for my life.
I’m sure for all of you, 2018 has had its ups and downs, but overall, I hope you emerged at the top. And as much as we might tell ourselves that New Year’s Eve is no big deal – just another night, and that Tuesday will follow Monday – as in any other week, there is a sense of closure and a new beginning.
Do you still consider making New Year’s resolutions? Even if you don’t write them down, do
you think about them? I’ve long ago given up making promises that I will never keep. If I want to feel bad about myself for being a weakling, I already have sufficient items from prior years to draw upon.
So this year, instead of trying to reconfigure bad habits, I’ve decided to embrace them. Below I present my Top 10 year-end wrap-up of personal reforms that will definitely
not happen in 2019.

I vow not to:
1. Give up Cool Whip.
2. Floss more.
3. Shop less.
4. Always hang up my clothes
before going to bed.
5. Complete a London Times
crossword puzzle.
6. Solve even one clue of a
London Times crossword
7. Have a neat desk.
8. Wear a bikini where anyone
can see me.
9. Stop wasting time watching
Law and Order reruns.
10. Never write another critical
essay about my husband.


I hope this list has provided at least a small measure of inspiration for creating your own inventory of bad habits with which you are reluctant to part. And, whether you’ll be celebrating the big night in finery, jeans, or PJs, I want to wish you all a happy, and above all, healthy New Year. Jokes aside, it is a clean page in a new book, and we should all try to make the most of it.
Finally, I want to thank you for your readership this past year. My husband also thanks
you. The time I spend writing is time spent not shopping.

Susan Goldfein holds a doctorate in Communication Disorders from Teachers
College, Columbia University, and enjoyed a successful career as a clinician,
teacher, and consultant. For more essays filled with wit, wisdom and irony,
visit Susan’s blog, Her book, How Old Am I in Dog
Years? may be purchased on and


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