With the conclusion of the Oscars, another awards season draws to a close. A whopping 44 award events have been held since January, affording the celebs plenty of opportunities to dress up and hang out. Mostly, it’s the women who were hanging out, which generates today’s topic.
Am I imagining it, or was 2019 the Year of the Supreme Plunging Neckline? Starting with the Golden Globes, I saw more of Halle Berry, Regina King, Gina Rodriguez and Patricia Clarkson than I ever imagined. It was nearly as intimate as sharing a dressing room with
them while trying on bathing suits.
The number of perky boobs
playing peek-a-boo with the
audience was overwhelming. I held
my breath in anticipation of at least
one Janet Jackson-style wardrobe
malfunction, but it never happened.
Was I disappointed? Maybe a little.
So how do they keep everything
so perfectly in place? Are the gowns
real or spray-painted body art?
Other pressing questions keep popping out of my mind:
Are gowns without fronts cheaper? Considering the designer skimped on the yardage, they should be. And that goes for backless tushy plungers as well.
Should females with breasts more substantial than a prepubescent’s wear one? Surely there are fashion rules which exclude well-endowed women.
Are there plastic surgeons who specialize in inserting magnetic implants to hold the damn things in place? And what happens when you have an MRI? Do they explode?
Do these low-cut gowns come with an instruction manual? Is it okay to wave? What about vigorous hand-clapping? What happens if you sneeze?
My exhaustive research did uncover (pun intended) a very real product on the market called Boob Glue. According to the video, you apply it to your skin, press the fabric to your breast and hold it for one minute. (Don’t forget to do the other side.) Now I’m not sure how well it performs, so use it at your own risk.
I do know one thing for sure. With all that flaunting of the goods, these ladies have succeeded in adding a whole new meaning to the term “Golden Globes.”