I don’t recall exactly when it was that I first encountered an acrochordon.
It was not at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C. and certainly
not at Dinosaur World off of I-4 near Plant City.
The scientific name for the acrochordon is fibroepithelial polyp, but you may
know it by its more popular moniker, skin tag.
These small flaps or stalks of tissue are usually found near the neck, chest,
eyelids, groin or armpit. They appear most often in women and yes, in those
of us that are of advanced years.
Skin tags are generally painless, nonirritating and noncancerous, but they
should not litter up our otherwise perfect bodies.
Therefore, we want them gone!
There are several remedies for the removal of these pesky little blemishes ranging from garlic slices to apple cider vinegar as well as a product heartily endorsed by the wealthy entrepreneurs of Shark Tank. Your dermatologist’s office is probably the safest bet.
However, before you act, I just discovered something amazing about these seemingly pointless pieces of hanging flesh.
I recently examined one of them with a magnifying glass because it seemed
to have words written in a tiny Times New Roman font. As I drew the glass
closer, the remarkable words became clear: Made in the USA. My friends
began similar self-examinations and they too found words on their own tags:
Made in Taiwan, Made in Hong Kong, etc.
I’m now reflecting on the money my wife could have saved by not sending
her saliva sample to Ancestry.com. All she had to do was read her tag: Made
Several weeks ago, I found a new tag on my upper arm, and without
thinking, I gripped it between two fingernails and tore it off. Only then
did I take the time to read the tag: Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law.
For the past seven days, I’ve been languishing here in the Mulberry Jail with
barely enough light to complete this article. And if the guy in the next cell plays
his off-key version of, I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry one more time, I’m going
to be up on a much stronger charge, and for a longer period of time. Otherwise,
I expect to be released in time for the January issue.
Mike should be out of jail by Dec. 30 (or Dec. 15 if he can maintain good
behavior). Just in case he can’t, please send a chocolate cake with an embedded
hacksaw-blade to the Mulberry Jail or reach him at email@example.com.