As a single woman in her fifties, February can be a… “challenging” month. My well-meaning friends and relatives cheerfully exchange Valentines, red roses, and huge boxes of chocolates. They kiss more often and hug a little longer. They must remember the days when they were dating, because they also smile a bit easier, and I caught my brother making “goo-goo eyes” at my sister-in-law at lunch the other day.
I also like Valentines (especially homemade cards), and flowers, and goodness knows I love chocolate! But somehow, this holiday seems to be reserved for those neatly paired off.
Although Valentine’s Day is traditionally associated with romantic love, I think there’s plenty of room for celebrating other kinds of love, too. For example, philia, the love found in deep friendships, characterized by mutual understanding and goodness. I’ve had the same best friend for over 40 years – surely that qualifies in terms of chocolates and flowers?
I’m also fortunate to still have my mother and my favorite aunt (who’s also my godmother). I love them with storge, a familial, parent/child kind of love. That is also worthy of a lovely card and a rose or two, I’d say.
But perhaps the kind of love I should really be celebrating this February is philautia – the love of the self. I am careful with others in my life to remember their birthdays, anniversaries, major holidays, and even sometimes just random Tuesdays, but I rarely do anything loving for myself.
I read once that Aristotle believed that healthy self-love is a prerequisite for loving others. So this year, I believe I’ll buy myself a large bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates – the expensive ones – and wish myself a very Happy Valentine’s Day.
