By Michael B. Wright
I’ve finally achieved what most men have not! Throughout most of my adult life this has been an ongoing challenge. But now I’m proud to announce that I have set a new precedent for generations of Wrights to follow: I have conquered the cotton beast.
I feel as though I’ve ascended the peak of Mount Everest and planted a flag to mark my victory. I’ve won the Greek Olympic games and had a laurel wreath crown set atop my head. I’ve danced with the stars and taken home the mirrored disco ball.
I’ve beaten the wicked bundle that once laughed – nay, smirked – at me from the corner of a shelf.
But not this time. I snatched it from its lofty perch and flung it down with such force that it begged for mercy. Then, as I replayed in my mind the instruction videos I stirred up from the bubbling cauldron of muck they call “Google,” I began the process which enabled me to proudly join the ranks of MWCFAFS: “Men Who Can Fold A Fitted Sheet.”
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Afterwards, I stood there gleefully gloating. I did it and I did it well. So well, in fact, that I grabbed a second sheet and did it again.
I patted it down into a flat, tidy bundle and set it on top of its predecessor.
As my insomniac wife lay sleeping, it was all I could do to keep from waking her up to show off my conquest. An hour later, she thanked me profusely for letting her sleep in, then praised my achievement.
Tonight she’s taking me shopping for a new hat, since mine no longer fits.
If you are planning to get rid of any size 8-1/8 (or larger) ballcap, sombrero, beret, fedora, or pork pie hat, please contact Mike at micwrighthamo@gmail.com. He will be ever so grateful.
